So fireworks are really expensive now! they said it's expensive because of some kind of China raising their price on shipping or somthing like that. next time we are going to go up to the Indian Reservation 2 hours up from vancover. WAY cheaper! we normally get fireworks for both the 4 of July and New Years. but we only have enough for the 4 of July. Sad i know! because it's going to be 2010! a first decade in the 21st. century! right? haha! idk. well yeah, my dad said some of my friends can come up for REAL fireworks.... you know..... you guys should come! :)
p.s JAW EXPANDER OUT TOMORROW!!!!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
the future looks bright...i think...
Marshall and I got $45 Saturday. i love the whole $10 an hour thing. just loving it.
first, we splitted giant frieken logs.
second, stacked the old logs from last year in the garage.
third, stacked the ones we cut.
fourth, washed my dads truck.
fifth, cut my thumb open from marshall running into a hose....don't ask. lol! :)
Today, I went to the lake. the water was a little chilly but my dad could only stay in a while. it's almost the perfect temperature! almost. we also went canoeing. that was fun 2! after that i went home and had a dr. pepper. not bad. not my favorite but not bad. i watched the series "Beauty and the Geek" season just ended. is really fun to watch! i can't really explain it now because i'm really tired but yeah! look it up on the internet, the might have some free episodes you can watch! i can do that for hours! been watching "Wipeout" on the internet! anyway,
Tomorrow, I'm going up to Washington to get the annual fireworks! lol! shhh... don't tell. well maybe the Lebanon Sherriff that lives down the street from us... Haha! He doesn't care and our neighbors let off a cannon at midnight! my neighborhood knows how to party on the fourth of July!
Tuesday, i'm getting my jaw expander out and i don't have to wear rubber bands anymore! =D
then i just i have to wear braces after that! that's fine! :)
p.s i'm going to LHS next year, which means i will see most of my friends from ELCA next year. lol!
p.p.s i will explain the whole "Beauty and the Geek" later, i'm tired.
p.p.p.s I'm going to Hawaii a week from friday! :)
p.p.p.p.s i'm tired of all the p.s!
p.p.p.p.p.s SERIOUSLY! SHUT UP! yeah i'm getting grouchy, going to bed.
NIGHT!
first, we splitted giant frieken logs.
second, stacked the old logs from last year in the garage.
third, stacked the ones we cut.
fourth, washed my dads truck.
fifth, cut my thumb open from marshall running into a hose....don't ask. lol! :)
Today, I went to the lake. the water was a little chilly but my dad could only stay in a while. it's almost the perfect temperature! almost. we also went canoeing. that was fun 2! after that i went home and had a dr. pepper. not bad. not my favorite but not bad. i watched the series "Beauty and the Geek" season just ended. is really fun to watch! i can't really explain it now because i'm really tired but yeah! look it up on the internet, the might have some free episodes you can watch! i can do that for hours! been watching "Wipeout" on the internet! anyway,
Tomorrow, I'm going up to Washington to get the annual fireworks! lol! shhh... don't tell. well maybe the Lebanon Sherriff that lives down the street from us... Haha! He doesn't care and our neighbors let off a cannon at midnight! my neighborhood knows how to party on the fourth of July!
Tuesday, i'm getting my jaw expander out and i don't have to wear rubber bands anymore! =D
then i just i have to wear braces after that! that's fine! :)
p.s i'm going to LHS next year, which means i will see most of my friends from ELCA next year. lol!
p.p.s i will explain the whole "Beauty and the Geek" later, i'm tired.
p.p.p.s I'm going to Hawaii a week from friday! :)
p.p.p.p.s i'm tired of all the p.s!
p.p.p.p.p.s SERIOUSLY! SHUT UP! yeah i'm getting grouchy, going to bed.
NIGHT!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Premonition and the Missing Piece. (please read and comment. very important and serious post to me.)
i'm the worst friend ever. i was planning to go to youth group and i told kyle i was going and to make sure he was going. well he did i guess, and i lost track of time when i was hanging out with another friend at walmart who i see all the time. i feel so bad kyle, i have to make it up to you sometime. text me. call me. ok?
today, i watched movies with lots of death in it. both of them were classified as romance, suspence, and drama. as you guys know, that's exactly what i need right now! yaya! (if you don't think that hypothetical, you don't know me.) anyways, in both movies, one of the loved ones die. both movies were seven pounds and premonition. it makes you think, what possiblely would happen to you if you lost your loved one, your other half, spouse, crush...etc... i know people have been through it and i feel so bad for them. that must be one of the toughest thing to go through. in seven pounds, Ben Thomas (will smith) was working on his phone while driving, he ran into a bus and killed seven people including his wife in the car. after this, he is depressed like no other and impersonates an IRS agent. He tries to find people who need new body parts. such as the blind man, a boy that needed bone marrow, his best friend that needed new lungs, a person who needed a new liver, and his new love who needed a heart. he went around a met/talked to the people who needed these things. he kills himself and he wanted his best friend to promise to get all those people what they needed from them. he was affraid to fall in love again. but in the end the blind man and his new love get together. really good movie but i won't watch it again. i wouldn't be that brave to do all that. i feel guilty and selfish now.
Premonition is about a women who lost her husband in a car crash. this movie is hard to explain because i still don't get it. the movie jumped around. but the main part for me is, is that she lost her husband 3 times in the movie, don't ask why, just watch the movie. wouldn't that be tough losing the one you love 3 times. devistating! one person shouldn't have to go through that! ever! that's just plain wrong. at the end though she had to kids and had one on the way, she still has some part of him. but just as shelby said, love is different, from the love you feel for your kids, to the love you feel for a spouse. maybe she will fall in love again, but that's hard enough. BUT it's just a movie right?..........idk screwed up life we have to deal with.
I've been thinking alot of myself in my situation, i read something last night. if you are still falling for you Ex, support them in any decision they have. talk to them regularly so they feel the have some kind of friendship towards you, still that bond. make them know that you are there for them if they have any problems, they will feel dependant upon you. talk to them about the break up, the situation, how you feel about it and how they feel about it, face to face and alone. very important that it is face to face and alone. if it was your fault that you broke up, (definately not, lol) let her know that you are truly sorry for it. if you follow this, they might change their mind about you. might want to get back together.
i've been basically doing the total opposite than all that, i think that's my problem. isn't the internet wonderful! it points out your flaws! lol. i actually kind of see why she broke up with me, this might be totally not it but you know, it probably is. this will be the first time i will say this so don't judge me. SHE was the first one to make a move. i was the first to say 'i love you' but it took me 2 hours to say it over the phone as to her it took her 2 seconds. i was weak and didn't deserve her, i had to always ask permission because i didn't want to go to far with her, i didn't want to cross her bounderies, but she didn't set them. maybe, if i was more of a frieken man, and made the first move, tell her 'i love you' in person, and made her feel the way she deserves, i would still have her, but i did the opposite and i feel so bad for it... why didn't i do it! i love/loved her always! maybe i was and still is... very shy around people i love. i don't want to lose her so much that that is all i think about, not losing her, which made her stray away from me more and more. i should of been thinking about, not losing her, but keeping her, loving her, enjoying every second of her time as if it was my last, making her feel like she needed and deserved to be. what a selfish freak i am! why did i do this! how can i be such a frieken coward! and WHY does this possibly make me feel better? is it because i finally told someone my flaws? something i never shared with someone? maybe so. to image i still could of had her today, this minute. it just kills me inside yet i feel better that i realized what i did. :)
thank you for reading all of this...shows that you care about me! lol. please comment.
p.s tomorrow, it's Marshall's first day of work. hmmm... yeah. i'm spraying poison oak! yaya! not joking! spraying poison oak is really fun! it teaches those frieken things whose boss! :) lol
today, i watched movies with lots of death in it. both of them were classified as romance, suspence, and drama. as you guys know, that's exactly what i need right now! yaya! (if you don't think that hypothetical, you don't know me.) anyways, in both movies, one of the loved ones die. both movies were seven pounds and premonition. it makes you think, what possiblely would happen to you if you lost your loved one, your other half, spouse, crush...etc... i know people have been through it and i feel so bad for them. that must be one of the toughest thing to go through. in seven pounds, Ben Thomas (will smith) was working on his phone while driving, he ran into a bus and killed seven people including his wife in the car. after this, he is depressed like no other and impersonates an IRS agent. He tries to find people who need new body parts. such as the blind man, a boy that needed bone marrow, his best friend that needed new lungs, a person who needed a new liver, and his new love who needed a heart. he went around a met/talked to the people who needed these things. he kills himself and he wanted his best friend to promise to get all those people what they needed from them. he was affraid to fall in love again. but in the end the blind man and his new love get together. really good movie but i won't watch it again. i wouldn't be that brave to do all that. i feel guilty and selfish now.
Premonition is about a women who lost her husband in a car crash. this movie is hard to explain because i still don't get it. the movie jumped around. but the main part for me is, is that she lost her husband 3 times in the movie, don't ask why, just watch the movie. wouldn't that be tough losing the one you love 3 times. devistating! one person shouldn't have to go through that! ever! that's just plain wrong. at the end though she had to kids and had one on the way, she still has some part of him. but just as shelby said, love is different, from the love you feel for your kids, to the love you feel for a spouse. maybe she will fall in love again, but that's hard enough. BUT it's just a movie right?..........idk screwed up life we have to deal with.
I've been thinking alot of myself in my situation, i read something last night. if you are still falling for you Ex, support them in any decision they have. talk to them regularly so they feel the have some kind of friendship towards you, still that bond. make them know that you are there for them if they have any problems, they will feel dependant upon you. talk to them about the break up, the situation, how you feel about it and how they feel about it, face to face and alone. very important that it is face to face and alone. if it was your fault that you broke up, (definately not, lol) let her know that you are truly sorry for it. if you follow this, they might change their mind about you. might want to get back together.
i've been basically doing the total opposite than all that, i think that's my problem. isn't the internet wonderful! it points out your flaws! lol. i actually kind of see why she broke up with me, this might be totally not it but you know, it probably is. this will be the first time i will say this so don't judge me. SHE was the first one to make a move. i was the first to say 'i love you' but it took me 2 hours to say it over the phone as to her it took her 2 seconds. i was weak and didn't deserve her, i had to always ask permission because i didn't want to go to far with her, i didn't want to cross her bounderies, but she didn't set them. maybe, if i was more of a frieken man, and made the first move, tell her 'i love you' in person, and made her feel the way she deserves, i would still have her, but i did the opposite and i feel so bad for it... why didn't i do it! i love/loved her always! maybe i was and still is... very shy around people i love. i don't want to lose her so much that that is all i think about, not losing her, which made her stray away from me more and more. i should of been thinking about, not losing her, but keeping her, loving her, enjoying every second of her time as if it was my last, making her feel like she needed and deserved to be. what a selfish freak i am! why did i do this! how can i be such a frieken coward! and WHY does this possibly make me feel better? is it because i finally told someone my flaws? something i never shared with someone? maybe so. to image i still could of had her today, this minute. it just kills me inside yet i feel better that i realized what i did. :)
thank you for reading all of this...shows that you care about me! lol. please comment.
p.s tomorrow, it's Marshall's first day of work. hmmm... yeah. i'm spraying poison oak! yaya! not joking! spraying poison oak is really fun! it teaches those frieken things whose boss! :) lol
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
shopping
today, i went shopping for 12 hours! i'm so tired! i'm about to go to bed, right after i check my facebook and myspace. tomorrow, MAYBE, jakob might take me to Wal*Mart to get the rest of my paint so i can finish my stupid room! i will be hanging with jake all day tomorrow. walmart, youth group, and he's sleeping over. i have alot to do tomorrow so goodnight.
p.s shelby, kyle, etc... you guys should come to youth group tomorrow! i will be there.
p.p.s someday, i will make longer posts. :)
GOODNIGHT!
p.s shelby, kyle, etc... you guys should come to youth group tomorrow! i will be there.
p.p.s someday, i will make longer posts. :)
GOODNIGHT!
Monday, June 22, 2009
the title
i haven't posted for i think 2 days. been busy and really didn't feel like it.
on saturday, i watched Year One with my dad, it wasn't so bad. i found $20 on the ground that night.
on sunday, my dad ditched me for a fathers day BBQ. i know... sad...
today, Jakob and I hung out. we tried the geocaching thing again and it sucked...again! we can't find that friekin thing! its unbelieveable! there was so much posion oak! i mean bushes of poison oak and trees covered. i think jakob got some. we got to my house and we watched Taxi. great movie. one of my favorites. i didn't ask him to sleepover tonight because i never finished my room. it's my punishment. so tomorrow i'm going to finish it. but probably not. i ran out of paint and i'm going shopping tomorrow at salem so i'm going to finish it probably wednesday morning. jakob and i are going to go to youth group (that you guys are going 2 because i didn't see you guys last week!) and then he's sleeping over. stay up all night as usual! ruin my sleep schedule again! tomorrow i'm going shopping at salem, but not only that, the BMW is going to get serviced so they are going to give us a choice on a rental! yeah! can't wait! and shopping...shopping.... yeah... so as shelby says, i leave you with this...
on saturday, i watched Year One with my dad, it wasn't so bad. i found $20 on the ground that night.
on sunday, my dad ditched me for a fathers day BBQ. i know... sad...
today, Jakob and I hung out. we tried the geocaching thing again and it sucked...again! we can't find that friekin thing! its unbelieveable! there was so much posion oak! i mean bushes of poison oak and trees covered. i think jakob got some. we got to my house and we watched Taxi. great movie. one of my favorites. i didn't ask him to sleepover tonight because i never finished my room. it's my punishment. so tomorrow i'm going to finish it. but probably not. i ran out of paint and i'm going shopping tomorrow at salem so i'm going to finish it probably wednesday morning. jakob and i are going to go to youth group (that you guys are going 2 because i didn't see you guys last week!) and then he's sleeping over. stay up all night as usual! ruin my sleep schedule again! tomorrow i'm going shopping at salem, but not only that, the BMW is going to get serviced so they are going to give us a choice on a rental! yeah! can't wait! and shopping...shopping.... yeah... so as shelby says, i leave you with this...
Saturday, June 20, 2009
what luck i have
so i ran out of paint! but you know what! idc anymore...movie tonight.
watching Year One
9:30pm Albany.
MAYBE.
call me if you want to go.
whitney needs to call me back to give me the latest news.
i need more paint... i will be painting/ rearranging on fathers day.
Great!
worst son in the world blogging right now! :(
watching Year One
9:30pm Albany.
MAYBE.
call me if you want to go.
whitney needs to call me back to give me the latest news.
i need more paint... i will be painting/ rearranging on fathers day.
Great!
worst son in the world blogging right now! :(
alone.
so my mom is switching over to AT&T for the iPhone. and my dad already has one. so i will be on verizon...alone.... :( hate verizon...their phones suck now. they used to have AWESOME phones but they just been going down hill in the last two years... i have one more year on my contract...but i love my phone so that will be easy but still... i want AT&T....
what?!
so i have lotz to do today! i just was slacking yesterday! i have to finish painting/ rearranging my bedroom and bathroom before i go to the movies this afternoon....maybe.... and if i don't i have to do this while we have a party (another BBQ, my dad loves them) and my dad will probably be giving tours of the house....... that will be embarrasing.... so this is my second night for sleeping in the office.... and hopefully i wont have to sleep here tomorrow night! i want my bed back! so yeah we're going to see the movie Year One (maybe), the only people that know about it is Marshall and Whitney.... if you want to come we are going tomorrow! yeah lotz of info! i will be posting a schedule later today about times and....stuff....
p.s. please don't make me forget to ask my dad about how many friends i can bring for the joined birthday/camping/big shiny boat/TOTALLY AWESOME/FUN!/ etc./etc./ shut up/ trip thingy of kyle, emily g, and derek! kk thanx! :)
p.s. please don't make me forget to ask my dad about how many friends i can bring for the joined birthday/camping/big shiny boat/TOTALLY AWESOME/FUN!/ etc./etc./ shut up/ trip thingy of kyle, emily g, and derek! kk thanx! :)
Friday, June 19, 2009
just wow.
today, i thought i was going to be bored all day! well i wasn't spent my afternoon with marshall and jakob! marshall invited me to watch UP at the kuhn theater and i invited jakob. after the movies, we all didn't want to go home yet and we had $5.00 all together! yeah! we went to mcdonalds and got stuff from the doller menu then after went to walmart for the longest time at the electronic section AND the toy section! spent most of the time at the toy section! i got a Linkin Park CD meteora. I haven't found a song from Linkin Park i don't like! best band! they are unique. add different styles to their songs. so i just got home and i'm listening to it now. my parents and grandma arn't here so... PARTY AT MY HOUSE! haha! jk..............maybe...........
Joined Birthday!
so i guess i'm helping Kenzi plan for my birthday with Kyle and Emily's. I finally talked with my dad about it and i guess we are going camping at Detroit Lake and renting a boat. Friday night and Saturday night, August 7 and 8 and going home August 9. OK! Hopefully Kenzi and Emily's parents will allow it because my mom will be in the Philippines during this which means she isn't going. If they can go i will be excited! if they can't then they will come for a day! idk if i can bring alot of friends yet so don't mark your calendars yet! ok i will be posting another post tonight...
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I'll just join you.
Everyone is changing there name and pictures....
so i should do the same!
tell me what you think....
so i should do the same!
tell me what you think....
good will come out of this
so for the last two days i've been rearranging and painting my room and bathroom. well not rearranging my bathroom. it's stressful! i hate paint and how many times you have to paint over the same spot over and over again so you can't see the other color underneath! wow i can make a poem out of that! name it "underneath" it can start out like, "why do you cover me up... why do you try so hard... i will always be there.... you can't get rid of me..." or something like that. anyways! this whole experiece is making me moody. i hate it! never been moody! ;) but something good is going to come out of this, i'm basically getting a room/ bathroom makeover. getting new closet doors, new shower door, mirror for bathroom, light fixures. stressfull yet fun. going to home depot sometime this week. so i'm going to be sleeping in my grandma's room for 2 nights or more and shes sharing her bathroom! like old times! so yeah this is basically going to be the rest of my week.
people know how to write!
So i found this....i'm jealous, i wish i could write like this!
an idiot in love
and yet I'm lucky
lucky cause I found you.
Your cry makes my heart aches
Your disappointment makes my heart crumble
Yet, your smile makes my heart flutters
and your kisses heal all the aches
You're my heart, you're my love
You hold my heart in your hands,
and that's exactly where I want it to be
Nothing can ever change that
I wish we'd last forever
because I can't imagine
not being able to turn around
and see you there
So, my love
Here we are again
At this juncture again
And I still make the same vow
to love you
for better or worse
'till death do us part
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
stupidity I say!
for the last 2 nights, i got six hours of sleep. idk why, i normally sleep great! but this whole this with Poems and hanging with Jakob just gets my sleep schedule out of place! stupid! I "woke up" at 5am and at 8am, i couldn't handle it anymore, i fell on the couch, totally out! i slept intill now! what do i do?! I'm STILL tired. Jakob slept though, he had a golf thing today so he had to wake up early. it was really funny! he brought his lamp and alarm clock!
Even though i got limited sleep, i didn't just stay up, my mind went blank while my eyes were open, wierdest thing ever! Hopefully i get to sleep tonight! I don't think i will be going to youth group this week since I go every OTHER week, I'm tired, and Jakob goes every other week to. so that's how that's playing out. need to see other friends soon. don't get me wrong, this has been a fun week with Jakob so far, but i have other friends to! :) We will hang out again thursday and MAYBE friday. If we hang out friday, we are going to watch Year One in theaters, one of the reasons i didn't want to have the party friday, hehe! :) but hopefully you catched the word MAYBE, i might be going to the coast with my dad and grandpa. FATHERS DAY WEEKEND,way funner then mothers day, definately! OH! and Fathers Day is Sunday! SON-day! yeah, it's also my weekend! lol. I don't think i missed anything, so yeah comment my posts, they're lonely, so am I. :(
Even though i got limited sleep, i didn't just stay up, my mind went blank while my eyes were open, wierdest thing ever! Hopefully i get to sleep tonight! I don't think i will be going to youth group this week since I go every OTHER week, I'm tired, and Jakob goes every other week to. so that's how that's playing out. need to see other friends soon. don't get me wrong, this has been a fun week with Jakob so far, but i have other friends to! :) We will hang out again thursday and MAYBE friday. If we hang out friday, we are going to watch Year One in theaters, one of the reasons i didn't want to have the party friday, hehe! :) but hopefully you catched the word MAYBE, i might be going to the coast with my dad and grandpa. FATHERS DAY WEEKEND,way funner then mothers day, definately! OH! and Fathers Day is Sunday! SON-day! yeah, it's also my weekend! lol. I don't think i missed anything, so yeah comment my posts, they're lonely, so am I. :(
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
#20
mom is sick. bleh. her neck hurts and she has a headache so I bet after she sleeps she will be fine. she better be. I have plans. Jakob still better be able to sleepover. she always does this to me. when i'm sick, she thinks i'm faking and doesn't take care of me! so she gets it right back sucka! i'll be posting later for more news!
p.s this is blog #20. not doing so bad on this blog thingy! :)
p.s this is blog #20. not doing so bad on this blog thingy! :)
Words
I litterally just wrote this. watching tv. hope you like it. :) it might not make much sense.
Words
All I say is carless words.
I care more than I can explain,
More than I can fathom.
I wish their was a deeper more passionate way to explain.
I must find a way
but before I get a chance,
This is what I give you my love,
I love you.
You are my reason to live,
My life, my soul.
Death would be consistent,
Than be without you,
My sweetheart.
Every day I feel I lose you more and more,
But I must not,
I must be patient.
Yet out there
You will always have a piece of my heart
Forever.
Even in the after life.
Everyday I will strive to find a way,
To get my love out there atleast.
This is what I leave you with.
For the rest of my life,
I will find a way to give you what you deserve,
What you want.
Words
All I say is carless words.
I care more than I can explain,
More than I can fathom.
I wish their was a deeper more passionate way to explain.
I must find a way
but before I get a chance,
This is what I give you my love,
I love you.
You are my reason to live,
My life, my soul.
Death would be consistent,
Than be without you,
My sweetheart.
Every day I feel I lose you more and more,
But I must not,
I must be patient.
Yet out there
You will always have a piece of my heart
Forever.
Even in the after life.
Everyday I will strive to find a way,
To get my love out there atleast.
This is what I leave you with.
For the rest of my life,
I will find a way to give you what you deserve,
What you want.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Risk
so just so you know this,
i don't think it's really a poem.
but it's fine. doesn't really show my REAL appriciation.
Risk
No one will figure her out completely,
Unless you have her in your life forever.
She has a beautiful and colorful personality.
She doesn't care what you think of her.
She is her.
You see she accepts it.
She is wild and free,
free to be her. :)
When she is sad, out of place.
It causes you pain also.
Whatever she's feeling,
you feel.
She is beyond beautiful.
No one deserves to be in her path.
She has a halo above her.
But if you ever encounter her path?
You've found your way.
You have nowhere else to be.
Unless it's with her.
Without her,
Part of yourself dies.
Leaving you bleeding on the floor.
She over powers your soul.
She doesn't even have to try.
It's a natural reaction.
She can break your heart if she wants to.
You have no right to question it.
It's truly dangerous to love her.
She can break you to the worst extent.
But it's worth the ride.
To take the risks.
Life would be boring without them.
That's why I love her.
She's dangerous and a risk.
It might be a tough journey to get there,
but once I'm there,
I WILL be complete.
i don't think it's really a poem.
but it's fine. doesn't really show my REAL appriciation.
Risk
No one will figure her out completely,
Unless you have her in your life forever.
She has a beautiful and colorful personality.
She doesn't care what you think of her.
She is her.
You see she accepts it.
She is wild and free,
free to be her. :)
When she is sad, out of place.
It causes you pain also.
Whatever she's feeling,
you feel.
She is beyond beautiful.
No one deserves to be in her path.
She has a halo above her.
But if you ever encounter her path?
You've found your way.
You have nowhere else to be.
Unless it's with her.
Without her,
Part of yourself dies.
Leaving you bleeding on the floor.
She over powers your soul.
She doesn't even have to try.
It's a natural reaction.
She can break your heart if she wants to.
You have no right to question it.
It's truly dangerous to love her.
She can break you to the worst extent.
But it's worth the ride.
To take the risks.
Life would be boring without them.
That's why I love her.
She's dangerous and a risk.
It might be a tough journey to get there,
but once I'm there,
I WILL be complete.
geocaching sux
jakob and i tried it. couldn't find it. walked for a hour and nothing! KILL!
never going to go on the website ever again!
when we got back home, 2 hours later! we watched blade II
that was fun. then we watched "ask a ninja" on youtube intill now!
that is what i have been doing since my last blog! no joke!
Jakob just left.
p.s the poem "Risks" is coming very soon!
never going to go on the website ever again!
when we got back home, 2 hours later! we watched blade II
that was fun. then we watched "ask a ninja" on youtube intill now!
that is what i have been doing since my last blog! no joke!
Jakob just left.
p.s the poem "Risks" is coming very soon!
you know what?!
its a beautiful day! i was outside, i should of never went inside. i'm going outside now. won't be back till tonight when it's all cold again!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
MOTHER!
AH! i feel like crap! i have no clue why!
I NEED SOCIAL TIME! AHH!!!! MOTHER.KILL.SUCK!
:) wow.
so yeah seriously! Kyle you got planning to do! get on to that! :)
Today didn't go as planned, we tried to have a BBQ but people got sick. including my uncle. hmmm.... weird. anyways, we had lotz of food and drinks and nothing to do with it. My grandpa came down but he doesn't eat much. at least we have food in the house again! :)
I might be hanging with Jakob tomorrow. maybe go on a hike. i found this cool thing called geocaching, (yes that is spelled right) and if you put your address and how many miles you are willing to go, you can find peoples hidden places and treasures! i went to geocaching on the internet and found to places i want to go. one place called the Little Log Cabin, sounded pretty cool, you can actually sleep there if you want! The second place is a knot hole. both very close by my house. Everytime you go to one of these places you will find a notebook in a geocaching box and you have to sign your name and when you get home you prove that you been there and type in your experience! very fun stuff! :) make sure you have a GPS, paper, and a pencil.
O yeah! Marshall is now officially working for my dad! next time we work on the yard he is going to come up and help. also get paid! best part right there! :)
so hope you guys are having good summers so far!
bye......for now........
p.s KYLE! PLAN! lol :)
I NEED SOCIAL TIME! AHH!!!! MOTHER.KILL.SUCK!
:) wow.
so yeah seriously! Kyle you got planning to do! get on to that! :)
Today didn't go as planned, we tried to have a BBQ but people got sick. including my uncle. hmmm.... weird. anyways, we had lotz of food and drinks and nothing to do with it. My grandpa came down but he doesn't eat much. at least we have food in the house again! :)
I might be hanging with Jakob tomorrow. maybe go on a hike. i found this cool thing called geocaching, (yes that is spelled right) and if you put your address and how many miles you are willing to go, you can find peoples hidden places and treasures! i went to geocaching on the internet and found to places i want to go. one place called the Little Log Cabin, sounded pretty cool, you can actually sleep there if you want! The second place is a knot hole. both very close by my house. Everytime you go to one of these places you will find a notebook in a geocaching box and you have to sign your name and when you get home you prove that you been there and type in your experience! very fun stuff! :) make sure you have a GPS, paper, and a pencil.
O yeah! Marshall is now officially working for my dad! next time we work on the yard he is going to come up and help. also get paid! best part right there! :)
so hope you guys are having good summers so far!
bye......for now........
p.s KYLE! PLAN! lol :)
Saturday, June 13, 2009
BBQ rain!
the BBQ was amazing and it was hot! great food and good times! then the rain came. out of no where! no joke! and it poured down hard! everything got soaked! we had to quickly bring the food in! the apple pie was good :) so yeah. just another day of my summer.
so far...
today is pretty good. i got up and worked out then after i got done taking a shower my dad wanted me to work in the yard! worst timing that guy! lol :) so i mowed the lawn and my mom and i picked up lunch. right now, i have nothing to do. unless my dad wants me to do more stuff outside but idk at the moment.
I've been thinking about writing another poem called, "Risk"
so be watching for that just in case i post it on, http://nevercross.blogspot.com/
I will be posting another blog tonight because i'm going to another BBQ tonight as you know already if you read my blogs :/
bye......for now.....
I've been thinking about writing another poem called, "Risk"
so be watching for that just in case i post it on, http://nevercross.blogspot.com/
I will be posting another blog tonight because i'm going to another BBQ tonight as you know already if you read my blogs :/
bye......for now.....
not again...
well, i'm feeling that semi-depressed feeling again... idk why this time... part of me has just been gone to long, my other half. *sigh*. maybe i will go to sleep. maybe i'm just tired. idk. :(
well i should really make my blogs longer....seriously! need to get on that!
well i should really make my blogs longer....seriously! need to get on that!
Friday, June 12, 2009
just loving it!
yesterday, my cousin graduated college and we had a BBQ today to celebrate! then tomorrow my mom's friends daughter is graduating college! what's with college?! so anyway, another BBQ tomorrow! then on sunday, im going to my cousins house AGAIN for ANOTHER BBQ! going to be an awesome weekend! :)
Thursday, June 11, 2009
FYI...
ATTENTION: Class Party is going to be at EMILY GOSHOW'S house since their is more stuff to do at her house. so.........yeah! to much stress with planning parties, i have bad experiences with them! as you might know!
so yeah, going to have fun again today. hanging with Jakob and Young today.
we are going to see Star Trek today.
It's a good movie! you guys should watch it sometime! :)
This is Young's last week at Jakob's house and this weekend Jakob has missionaries staying at his house this weekend. so next week is going to be alot more funner than this week.
Oh! and PLUS next week is class party week! next week is going to be the bomb diggity!
so yeah, going to have fun again today. hanging with Jakob and Young today.
we are going to see Star Trek today.
It's a good movie! you guys should watch it sometime! :)
This is Young's last week at Jakob's house and this weekend Jakob has missionaries staying at his house this weekend. so next week is going to be alot more funner than this week.
Oh! and PLUS next week is class party week! next week is going to be the bomb diggity!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Today
I finally did stuff today! yeah! I watched tv and played sims. BUT i also worked out and went to Youth Group, which was not bad today! :) So maybe this summer is going to get better. PLUS Jakob can drive me now so yeah! feeling the freedom right now! :)
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I also found....
one of my favorite poems! actually, my favorite poem I made!
Guess.
I'm thinking of someone...
That makes time just stop
Who you can't get enough of,
You stare at her with awe.
Her eyes tell an enchanting story.
That you can't stop reading, by any means,
You'll always want to know what's next.
I'm thinking of someone...
Who's spontaneous.
You don't see it coming!
You're surprized by all her actions.
If you touch her hand,
You melt and your heart gives in.
When you see her,
You can't help but smile.
I'm thinking of someone...
Whose voice is an addicting drug.
Once you hear it,
You must hear more...
If you see her,
You'll think you're dreaming.
You'll want to hold her close.
Because at any point,
She might disappear.
She's too elegant to possibly be true.
I'm thinking of someone...
Whose smile is alluring,
That burns and imprints the soul.
She doesn't flow with the wind.
The wind flows with her.
She doesn't walk.
She glides,
Creating music with each movement
Identical to an angel...
My angel
Flower petals gladly fall beside her.
I'm thinking of someone...
Who you can't help but fall in love with
And makes your heart skip a beat.
I'm thinking of....Her
Can you guess who it is??
Guess.
I'm thinking of someone...
That makes time just stop
Who you can't get enough of,
You stare at her with awe.
Her eyes tell an enchanting story.
That you can't stop reading, by any means,
You'll always want to know what's next.
I'm thinking of someone...
Who's spontaneous.
You don't see it coming!
You're surprized by all her actions.
If you touch her hand,
You melt and your heart gives in.
When you see her,
You can't help but smile.
I'm thinking of someone...
Whose voice is an addicting drug.
Once you hear it,
You must hear more...
If you see her,
You'll think you're dreaming.
You'll want to hold her close.
Because at any point,
She might disappear.
She's too elegant to possibly be true.
I'm thinking of someone...
Whose smile is alluring,
That burns and imprints the soul.
She doesn't flow with the wind.
The wind flows with her.
She doesn't walk.
She glides,
Creating music with each movement
Identical to an angel...
My angel
Flower petals gladly fall beside her.
I'm thinking of someone...
Who you can't help but fall in love with
And makes your heart skip a beat.
I'm thinking of....Her
Can you guess who it is??
I opened my school bag today and found....
a poem I made for english class....
I AM AN ISLAND...
Surrounded by God's grace
The beach is my sin, my fears, my stress.
Being washed by God's gracious waves.
The trees are my friends
Decorating my personality.
The oasis is my home, my family.
Comforting me through hard times.
The lighthouses are my eyes.
Watching over my loved ones far off.
Leading them to me.
My anger is the storm.
That destroys all life on the island.
Yet life will prosper again.
The buried treasure is my heart
If you find it,
It's yours.
The inhabitants that populate the island is my soul.
Without it,
I'm nothing.
Quiet.
I am an Island...
I AM AN ISLAND...
Surrounded by God's grace
The beach is my sin, my fears, my stress.
Being washed by God's gracious waves.
The trees are my friends
Decorating my personality.
The oasis is my home, my family.
Comforting me through hard times.
The lighthouses are my eyes.
Watching over my loved ones far off.
Leading them to me.
My anger is the storm.
That destroys all life on the island.
Yet life will prosper again.
The buried treasure is my heart
If you find it,
It's yours.
The inhabitants that populate the island is my soul.
Without it,
I'm nothing.
Quiet.
I am an Island...
The Brass Teapot
The old woman running the roadside antique stand spoke with a heavy eastern accent. She skirted the table with two limping legs, hidden by loose, draping leather pants and no shoes. John couldn't help staring at the woman's black toes, as if she had once suffered frostbite. Everything about her seemed to have once suffered an altering cold. Alice and John were on their way home from visiting their oldest daughter in college. They had only stopped so John could stretch his sore back. Alice had been sleeping the entire drive, or pretending to sleep, while thinking about all of the money they had given their daughter as a loan. They had secretly had to scrap the idea of a small vacation so she could retake her algebra in the summer. The old woman approached John's wife. With her long fingers she pushed a brass teapot into Alice's hands. The transparent skin on her arms swung with the momentum of her tiny motions. "Thank you," Alice responded politely, not knowing what else to say. The old woman's stand consisted of one green table, overwhelmed with useless things from the past. Heavy, iron mementos. John rolled his eyes when his wife set the brass teapot in the backseat of their Ford Festiva. The car was noticeably struggling as they drove down the interstate, burdened by the small weight of weekend suitcases. On the drive home they argued about money. Wasted money. With two children in college, neither having been able to maintain their scholarships, not only was John and Alice's retirement dwindling but also their ability to make ends meet. There had been mention of a second mortgage. As the car pulled into their house each went to collect a suitcase. John slammed Alice's finger in the trunk, accidentally, before she could snatch her hand away. "I'm sorry...." He started to say as he took her hand to kiss it. A clanging emanated from inside the car. Like someone tapping on a brass kettle. When Alice's finger stopped throbbing she picked up the teapot, removed the top and saw that inside was five quarters. "Practically paid for itself," she remarked. Still, John was annoyed when she insisted on setting it on the stove. For days he felt disrupted by its presence in their otherwise modern kitchen. They had overhauled everything when the children moved out. They got a fridge with two doors and a self-cleaning flat-surface oven. If they had known the children were going to lose their scholarships and that Alice would be demoted, they would have never done it. In three years it would all be paid for and the warranties would simultaneously expire.
John was most aggravated when Alice decided to make their morning coffee using the brass teapot. "The electric one's broken," she reported. John watched her, standing in her business suit; her graying hair pulled into a neat ponytail, as she clumsily boiled water and added coffee grounds. "I've never done it this way," she said, stirring with a plastic spoon that bent in the boiling heat. John tried to show her the right way to do it, but it was too early to be giving orders. Neither was in a good mood until they had coffee and breakfast. Kisses, hugs, any affections came after food and caffeine. "You've got to stir it...like this," he said. He dipped a metal spoon into the cavernous depths of the darkening teapot. She looked away, like she always did when John was correcting her. "No you don't!" she snapped. She pushed his hand out of the way, causing the pot to lurch and send one boiling wave cresting onto John's exposed wrist. He yelped, climbed into the kitchen chair and poked at the tender pink skin until his wife brought him an ice pack. "It's going to blister," she said, applying the ice. He nodded and the two didn't speak until after she'd poured the coffee and he'd set out toast for each of them. "What time do you think you'll be home tonight?" she asked. "Late," he replied. There were shipments coming in from all over the country and he alone could work the new processing system for incoming orders. There was one other person, an up-and-coming woman straight out of college, but John preferred to do it himself. If she proved her worth too quickly he might find himself out of a job. With his last gulp of coffee, just before he was going to stand up and kiss his wife goodbye, John found something floating in his mouth. "Did you wash this thing out?" "Of course. It's clean." He pulled out some paper that had adhered to the roof of his mouth. It was a two-dollar bill. "What the hell is this then?" he asked. They both bent over the kitchen table where John laid the bill out to dry. Neither of the two could explain the presence of the money except to say that Alice must have missed it somehow when she was cleaning, though she swore she had scrubbed every angle of the brass teapot.
The two soon embraced for a long kiss, both regretting the fighting they had done over the long weekend. Alice's tongue snuck in through John's slightly parted lips. He squirmed with genuine surprise. His burned wrist brushed against his wife's cotton top as he reached to put his hand beneath it. He yelped again from the raw pain. A nickel dropped in the teapot. The two bent over and stared in wonder. John picked it out, held it up to the light. Alice reached over and pinched her husband's arm as hard as she could. Before he could cry out or push her hand away, there was the sound of dimes dropping in the teapot. "How did that happen?" John asked. "Hit me," she said. He stared at her. "Don't knock me out or anything. Punch me in my arm. Hard enough to leave a bruise." John wouldn't hit her. Instead, he picked up his briefcase and headed for the front door. "If I'm late they're going to let her handle the shipments. We can't afford for me to miss out on all of this overtime. We have tuition to pay in less than a month." He kissed Alice and closed the door behind him.
*The routine was that Alice made dinner because she got home first ever since her demotion from accountant to glorified messenger. John made breakfast and handled all of the meals on the weekends. When John returned home that night, however, there wasn't the smell of any cooking in the air. He found his wife lying on the couch, the teapot resting on her stomach. It was late, after ten, he had told his boss that he could handle things alone and told him to send her home because she would only be in the way. Without any help, it took him hours longer than it should have to finish processing the shipments. John's stomach grumbled painfully at the lack of ready food. He hadn't eaten since toast at breakfast, there had been no time. The bile that churned, and had been churning everyday for months, had created an ulcer in John's stomach. His knees ached from standing for hours at a time. The living room was dark, except for some light flickering out of the muted television set.
"What are you doing?" he asked, turning on the overhead light. She tried to hide her face with a pillow from the couch, but he saw the bruise and the swelling. "What happened?" Alice's right eye was bloated, colored a dark purple. There was only a slit that she could peer out of. He ran to the kitchen and got the ice pack out of the freezer, laid it against her eye. She jumped up, said it was too sensitive and asked him to wrap a towel around it first. "Did someone attack you? Do I need to call the police?" His heart beat in his ears. Beneath the worries that his wife might suffer a hemorrhage and die was the worry about the impending hospital bill. They had been forced to stop making the payments on Alice's health insurance since her company had doubled employee responsibility. "No," she replied. She handed John the teapot. He removed the lid and saw inside it three ten dollar bills. "I hit myself with the iron," she said. She looked ashamed but was determined to tell him the truth. "It gave me ten dollars. I did it two more times." She told him that she thought it might eventually be more. "We've got to get you to a hospital." She refused. "The swelling will go down." After a long, heavy breath, after resting her throbbing head on her husband's shoulder, she suggested they use the money to go out to eat. The thought of food, of a restaurant, which they couldn't afford anymore, was enough for John to forget the strangeness of his wife hitting herself in the face with an iron, if only momentarily. "I will think better on a full stomach," he ruminated. As they gathered their things to go out to dinner, Alice took the teapot and held it close to her stomach. He asked her to leave it behind, but she refused. "What if someone broke in and stole it?" she asked. She set it on the table at the restaurant, much to the confusion of the waiter who eyeballed John like he was an abusive husband. It was the first time anyone had ever suspected him capable of violence. "What do you think we're going to do with that?" he asked, after he devoured his salad. They went to the Italian place where they used to go on birthdays and holidays. It was their favorite.
"I don't know," she admitted. Little droplets of white pus sneaked out of an opening beneath the bottom lid of her eye. John dabbed at it with his napkin after wetting it in his water glass. "I just know that we've got an opportunity here...." "Opportunity?" The waiter returned with their meals. John got the veal on top of pasta, Alice had a sample plate consisting of a small portion of several things on the menu. They didn't speak as they ate. At Alice's job there was no time for lunch that day either. She ran memos around a huge office building, going up stairs and down long hallways all day long. They wouldn't let her wear sneakers because of the dress code so her feet were always blistered. The pay was much less than what she had received as a full-time accountant, a job she lost because of her tendency to make mathematical errors. Reportedly, she had cost the company millions by misfiling a tax return for an important client. When the bill came it was over thirty dollars. The two hadn't been to the restaurant in so long that the prices had risen and they hadn't even looked at their menus. "We could put it on the Discover," John suggested. "It's maxed." They sat in silence. They were eleven dollars short of even being able to pay the check, much less leave a tip. The trip to see their daughter over the long weekend had eaten what was left of their checking, with gas and giving her extra money. Payday was still three days away. "I could write a check and...." "No checks," she said, pointing to a sign in the window of the restaurant. John's ulcer screamed within his stomach, no longer satisfied by the warm, nourishing food. After a few moments of avoiding eye contact with the waiter, John took the teapot with him into the men's room. He locked the door behind him, thankful that it was a bathroom for one person only, and he proceeded to punch his fist into the wall. At first, his tentativeness profited him only in small change, dimes and nickels. He counted after five strikes into the porcelain tiling of the wall. There was not quite three dollars, though his fingers were red and burning.
He drove his kneecap into the sink as hard as he could make himself. The pain sent icy blood in every direction starting at his heart. Toppling over, he leered into the teapot. A five dollar bill. With every ounce of his courage he ran the water as hot as it would go, sitting on the bathroom floor to the right of the spigot, and he held his hand beneath it for twenty seconds while it burned his skin. With his eyes tightly shut, he listened to the sound of quarters dropping until he was sure that he finally had enough. Alice was embarrassed to pay with so much change. As they left, she tried not to look at the other diners who stared at them. She propped up her mysteriously wounded husband, searching for the front door through her one good eye.
*John had passed out on the couch not long after they returned home. Alice tinkered for a bit in the kitchen. He could hear whispers of "ow" and "shit" coming from the room, followed by the sound of change sprinkling into brass. In the morning he realized he had overslept. Normally he would've been in his bed where the alarm was set, but in the living room all was silent. It was ten a.m. Alice was unaccounted for, as was the teapot. John rushed into work where they told him to go ahead and take the day off. They told him he looked "beat up." She could handle it on her own. She'd already proven that in less than two hours of processing shipments. Dejected, John returned home to find his wife also not working. "Why are you home?" she asked. He stared into her face. The noon sunlight made her face look even worse than it had in the restaurant. "Why didn't you wake me up before you left this morning?" he asked. She told him that she hadn't left that morning. She had accidentally knocked herself out in the garage when one of the hanging shovels had fallen on her head. John felt around her skull until his fingers reached the bump. "I'm fine," she said. "We have to stop this!" he shouted. He forcefully took the teapot out of her arms and put it on top of a kitchen cupboard, where she couldn't reach. Undeterred, she scooted a chair over and took it down.
"We have an opportunity to finally get ahead!" she screamed back. This time she would not let him take the teapot from her grasp. "Get ahead?" He explained to her that the only way they were going to get ahead was if they both worked their overtime. "Today's already set us back...." "We'll never get ahead, John. We never have and we never will. The moment we get any money something breaks or one of the children...." They argued for an hour, Alice the entire time clutching the closed teapot. She called him a loser three times during the fight and he once, out of frustration, told her that she had been a bad mother. It was the dirtiest they had ever treated one another. When they finished, when both were hunched over in exhaustion from not having eaten breakfast, Alice lifted the lid to find the teapot filled with twenty dollar bills. There was just over four hundred dollars. "But how?" John asked. Alice reared back and spit in his face. She then told him how she came home for lunch whenever she could in hopes that the postman would be walking his route and say hello to her. A twenty dollar bill appeared, though John was too hunched over to see it. "Now you do me!" she said. "You're a bitch!" he said. Change clinked. "No! Do me for real. Tell me something that you hate about me or something awful that you've done. Something that will really hurt my feelings." John thought as he sat at the table, still trying to form the picture of what their postman looked like. "I slept with Ellen Waterson...." "I already know that," she interrupted. "I slept with her after you and I were dating," he said spitefully. It had been a secret. Words festering beneath John's skin for twenty years. He could smell the words at night while he was lying in bed, next to Alice. Mildewed, damp, green words under his skin but not in his blood. Her face was pale but a smile crept onto it as she looked in the teapot and saw a fifty dollar bill appear. "Keep going," she said. The two proceeded to tell one another everything. Things which no married couple have ever shared. John told her about the woman at work, the one who might be replacing him, and how wonderfully upright her breasts were. Alice told him about the men she had been with before him and the things she had allowed them to do that she would never allow John to do to her. They did still love one another and by the end of the day the pot had given them over a thousand dollars. More than either of them could make in a week at their job.
They continued on the next day, after shouting at one another so furiously that they had each finally retreated to their corners and cried themselves to sleep. John got a call on the fourth day from his boss saying that he shouldn't bother coming in again. That she could handle it. "Fine," John replied. "I've found something else anyway." His boss was surprised at the lack of emotion. Alice, too, decided to not return to her employer. Though they were running short on secrets and genuine insults - insincere insults didn't pay a dime - they had still worked up enough money to get by for months. Each morning they woke up late, sometimes not until after noon, typically alone, and they met at the kitchen table where they set the teapot in between them. "I always referred to you as loose when we were in high school," John said. Clank. Clank. Clank. "You have never given me an orgasm," Alice replied. Three twenty dollar bills. Alice was learning to predict how much money would be in the teapot by the recoiling countenance of her husband. The insults, the beatings, the degradations were having a slightly more permanent effect on him. His face was beginning to not spring back. By the third month the teapot was rewarding them with less and less money each day. Alice had begun reverting to slamming her fingers in the cupboards to reach the minimum amount needed to survive. The two figured if they could get at least a hundred dollars a day from the teapot, they would be fine. When their eldest daughter called them that third month to inform them that she was coming home for a weekend visit, Alice tried to gently suggest that she not come. The girl wouldn't listen. She showed up on their doorstep the very next night, not expecting what she saw. When she entered her childhood home, things were different. The pictures that had been on the mantle were smashed. Some by fists, others by emotions. Her mother's hair was short, cropped close to the head. She told her daughter that she had wanted something different, but honestly she had been pulling it out by the fistful for money to the point where she had to shave it to get it all one even length again.
The girl's father was the biggest surprise. His hair had gone gray and he was heavier than he'd ever been before. The two had been eating well and never getting any exercise. They never wanted to leave the teapot, to miss a moment when they might make a little money. As she sat on the couch, drinking a cup of tea, staring at the changed environment in wonder, she began telling them stories of her classes and her professors. Normally, they would've listened intently. They would've had questions or comments about the girl's stories, but neither spoke. Both Alice and John were thinking of the teapot which was sitting, waiting on the coffee table in front of them. When the girl picked it up both parents lunged at her and pulled it from her hands. "It's an antique," Alice commented, setting it back down gently on the coffee table. "What happened to your eye, Mom?" the girl asked. There were four separate scars if one looked closely, but there was one brutal gash from where she'd struck herself with the iron that was noticeable at any distance. "That's nothing. I fell," she said. The words in her mouth formed like "thank you" and "hello". Alice looked at her daughter's unpinched, uncut, unbeaten skin with greedy eyes. When she hugged her, just before climbing the stairs to go to bed, Alice pinched her daughter beneath her arms and on her back. "What'd you do that for?" the girl yelled. The sound of change clanging in the pot went unnoticed to her. "Sorry," her mother said, disappointed by the familiar sound of nickels. As she handed the girl her suitcase, Alice banged it into her daughter's still sensitive shin. She howled and hobbled about for a few moments while her mother apologized over the promising sound of sprinkling quarters. John and Alice waited for their daughter to go out with her high school friends or to go to bed at night before starting their ritual of insults and physical attacks. When the girl asked in the morning what had happened, why her mother's lip was swollen, the two remained quiet. The girl left on Sunday, earlier than she had planned, because her mother had tripped and accidentally pushed her down the staircase while walking behind her. Her elbow might have had a small fracture and she wanted to go home to take advantage of the college's medical facilities. She thought it was strange that neither parent offered gas money.
"You shouldn't have done that," John said, as they smiled and waved. "It's fifty dollars that we're going to use to pay for her education!" With all of their secrets scattered about their modest home, covered in broken glass and splintered wood, the two were forced to go back to beating themselves. John called his old boss and begged for his job on his boss's voicemail, but his calls were never returned. The tuition bills came every three months, they were on the payment plan. In addition to that there was the electric bill, the mortgage, the water and the credit cards. Not to mention the fact that they had to take Alice to the emergency room to treat a concussion that she had given herself with one of the garage shovels. A policeman had visited John in the waiting room and asked him questions. He had written John's answers into a little notebook and showed John pictures of Alice's bruises. "She fell?" the policeman asked. John nodded his head and stared off in the other direction. At the end of each week John took a giant bucket of change to the bank to be counted out and returned in bills. The change was even diminishing. They had begun to expect four hundred dollars a week in change, but it soon dwindled to two hundred and fifty. "The fridge doesn't work," Alice reported. "What? Why not?" John asked, returning from a disappointing trip to the bank. "I don't know," she replied. "Maybe because you punched it a thousand times." Her attitude was changing with each new day. John suspected that she had given herself another concussion the week before when she'd "slipped" in the shower and he had to pull her unconscious body, dangling, crimson, wet head to the bed. She said it was an accident, but the teapot had been suspiciously in the room with her. They had found through trial and error that the teapot only worked when it was within a certain range of the person being wounded. "So you're blaming me for the refrigerator being broken," he asked her. "What about the car? I could blame you for the shattered windshield." Her skin was bluish, pale. Her eyes had no white, only red and green. Sleep deprivation gave a little bit of money, but that wasn't why she lay there awake at night. She was in pain. Her head ached endlessly but she refused to go back to the doctor, saying that they would never get ahead if they had to pay yet another hospital bill.
When the repairman came to work on the refrigerator he informed them that their warranty didn't cover the damage. Alice exploded in the man's face. He was short, bald, heavy. On his fingers were rings, gold and silver. He wore long blue overalls with a nametag that read "Randy." "Miss, I don't make the rules...." he started to say. John, dabbing at an injury on his chin that wouldn't stop bleeding, walked in on his wife striking the man on his head with a wooden spoon. He was older, slow from his weight and had a limp in his right leg. "Alice!" John yelled. He pulled her off of the heavy man who was covering his face with his hands. The clank of the wooden spoon hitting his rings had played in unison with the change rattling in the teapot. Alice lurched at the recoiled man with her feet, John having hold of her top half. Her foot planted firmly on the man's nose, breaking it instantly. Blood roared out of his nostrils, onto his lips and eventually onto the already blood-stained floor. "You're crazy!" he screamed at her. "You're wife's a crazy bitch!" He covered his face with his hand. "She's not crazy," John responded calmly. John walked over to the teapot and pulled out a newly formed hundred dollar bill. He handed it to the repairman. "Will you fix it for this?" he asked. The man laughed. "I'm taking you to court. My nose is broken!" John leered at Alice. Her bluish skin basked in the kitchen light. The phone rang somewhere in the distance, but no one heard it. All anyone could hear, including the repairman, was the tearing sound of the knife Alice pushed into the repairman's stomach. Both of his hands reached to the handle, to pull it out, but Alice pushed it in farther and turned it like she had seen done in movies. "What the hell did you do?" John yelled. Immediately he started thinking about what they would do with the body. How could he protect her from this? The fat man's body fell to the kitchen floor in two stages. Some undead portion of his spine tried to stay upright, while his thighs and ankles wanted to lay flat and be deceased. Alice kicked him to the ground once before his heart stopped beating.
"What the hell did you do?" John asked again. She got down next to him, stabbed him three or four more times, in hopes that he could still feel the pain. She then lifted herself, John standing horrified in the corner, and walked over to the teapot. She lifted the lid. A blood-spattered smile charmed across her face. "Look at this!" she said. She held the pot out for him to see, though he didn't look. It was full of hundreds. Stuffed full of hundreds. "You killed a man!" John yelled. In a panic he looked out the kitchen window. There was no one in sight. "We'll have to get his body into his work truck outside. See if you can find his keys." John went to grab towels out of the bathroom to mop up the blood. When he returned she was at the man again with her knife. "It doesn't work after they're dead," she said. "Can you help me?" he asked. He had taken out several cleaning agents. "We've got to do something with him before people know he's missing." Alice wasn't listening. She was staring into the now empty pot. "We could buy our way to paradise," she whispered. "There's got to be fifteen neighbors in houses right around here that trust us. Don across the street has a gun in his closet. He keeps it loaded." He had shown both of them on the fourth of July. "This is over ten thousand dollars," she said, fumbling through the unchanging faces of Benjamin Franklin. "We could buy our way to Paradise," she repeated.
I got chills when I read this for the first time. Money is sometimes the middle of peoples lives that they would do anything for it, like hurting themselves.
John was most aggravated when Alice decided to make their morning coffee using the brass teapot. "The electric one's broken," she reported. John watched her, standing in her business suit; her graying hair pulled into a neat ponytail, as she clumsily boiled water and added coffee grounds. "I've never done it this way," she said, stirring with a plastic spoon that bent in the boiling heat. John tried to show her the right way to do it, but it was too early to be giving orders. Neither was in a good mood until they had coffee and breakfast. Kisses, hugs, any affections came after food and caffeine. "You've got to stir it...like this," he said. He dipped a metal spoon into the cavernous depths of the darkening teapot. She looked away, like she always did when John was correcting her. "No you don't!" she snapped. She pushed his hand out of the way, causing the pot to lurch and send one boiling wave cresting onto John's exposed wrist. He yelped, climbed into the kitchen chair and poked at the tender pink skin until his wife brought him an ice pack. "It's going to blister," she said, applying the ice. He nodded and the two didn't speak until after she'd poured the coffee and he'd set out toast for each of them. "What time do you think you'll be home tonight?" she asked. "Late," he replied. There were shipments coming in from all over the country and he alone could work the new processing system for incoming orders. There was one other person, an up-and-coming woman straight out of college, but John preferred to do it himself. If she proved her worth too quickly he might find himself out of a job. With his last gulp of coffee, just before he was going to stand up and kiss his wife goodbye, John found something floating in his mouth. "Did you wash this thing out?" "Of course. It's clean." He pulled out some paper that had adhered to the roof of his mouth. It was a two-dollar bill. "What the hell is this then?" he asked. They both bent over the kitchen table where John laid the bill out to dry. Neither of the two could explain the presence of the money except to say that Alice must have missed it somehow when she was cleaning, though she swore she had scrubbed every angle of the brass teapot.
The two soon embraced for a long kiss, both regretting the fighting they had done over the long weekend. Alice's tongue snuck in through John's slightly parted lips. He squirmed with genuine surprise. His burned wrist brushed against his wife's cotton top as he reached to put his hand beneath it. He yelped again from the raw pain. A nickel dropped in the teapot. The two bent over and stared in wonder. John picked it out, held it up to the light. Alice reached over and pinched her husband's arm as hard as she could. Before he could cry out or push her hand away, there was the sound of dimes dropping in the teapot. "How did that happen?" John asked. "Hit me," she said. He stared at her. "Don't knock me out or anything. Punch me in my arm. Hard enough to leave a bruise." John wouldn't hit her. Instead, he picked up his briefcase and headed for the front door. "If I'm late they're going to let her handle the shipments. We can't afford for me to miss out on all of this overtime. We have tuition to pay in less than a month." He kissed Alice and closed the door behind him.
*The routine was that Alice made dinner because she got home first ever since her demotion from accountant to glorified messenger. John made breakfast and handled all of the meals on the weekends. When John returned home that night, however, there wasn't the smell of any cooking in the air. He found his wife lying on the couch, the teapot resting on her stomach. It was late, after ten, he had told his boss that he could handle things alone and told him to send her home because she would only be in the way. Without any help, it took him hours longer than it should have to finish processing the shipments. John's stomach grumbled painfully at the lack of ready food. He hadn't eaten since toast at breakfast, there had been no time. The bile that churned, and had been churning everyday for months, had created an ulcer in John's stomach. His knees ached from standing for hours at a time. The living room was dark, except for some light flickering out of the muted television set.
"What are you doing?" he asked, turning on the overhead light. She tried to hide her face with a pillow from the couch, but he saw the bruise and the swelling. "What happened?" Alice's right eye was bloated, colored a dark purple. There was only a slit that she could peer out of. He ran to the kitchen and got the ice pack out of the freezer, laid it against her eye. She jumped up, said it was too sensitive and asked him to wrap a towel around it first. "Did someone attack you? Do I need to call the police?" His heart beat in his ears. Beneath the worries that his wife might suffer a hemorrhage and die was the worry about the impending hospital bill. They had been forced to stop making the payments on Alice's health insurance since her company had doubled employee responsibility. "No," she replied. She handed John the teapot. He removed the lid and saw inside it three ten dollar bills. "I hit myself with the iron," she said. She looked ashamed but was determined to tell him the truth. "It gave me ten dollars. I did it two more times." She told him that she thought it might eventually be more. "We've got to get you to a hospital." She refused. "The swelling will go down." After a long, heavy breath, after resting her throbbing head on her husband's shoulder, she suggested they use the money to go out to eat. The thought of food, of a restaurant, which they couldn't afford anymore, was enough for John to forget the strangeness of his wife hitting herself in the face with an iron, if only momentarily. "I will think better on a full stomach," he ruminated. As they gathered their things to go out to dinner, Alice took the teapot and held it close to her stomach. He asked her to leave it behind, but she refused. "What if someone broke in and stole it?" she asked. She set it on the table at the restaurant, much to the confusion of the waiter who eyeballed John like he was an abusive husband. It was the first time anyone had ever suspected him capable of violence. "What do you think we're going to do with that?" he asked, after he devoured his salad. They went to the Italian place where they used to go on birthdays and holidays. It was their favorite.
"I don't know," she admitted. Little droplets of white pus sneaked out of an opening beneath the bottom lid of her eye. John dabbed at it with his napkin after wetting it in his water glass. "I just know that we've got an opportunity here...." "Opportunity?" The waiter returned with their meals. John got the veal on top of pasta, Alice had a sample plate consisting of a small portion of several things on the menu. They didn't speak as they ate. At Alice's job there was no time for lunch that day either. She ran memos around a huge office building, going up stairs and down long hallways all day long. They wouldn't let her wear sneakers because of the dress code so her feet were always blistered. The pay was much less than what she had received as a full-time accountant, a job she lost because of her tendency to make mathematical errors. Reportedly, she had cost the company millions by misfiling a tax return for an important client. When the bill came it was over thirty dollars. The two hadn't been to the restaurant in so long that the prices had risen and they hadn't even looked at their menus. "We could put it on the Discover," John suggested. "It's maxed." They sat in silence. They were eleven dollars short of even being able to pay the check, much less leave a tip. The trip to see their daughter over the long weekend had eaten what was left of their checking, with gas and giving her extra money. Payday was still three days away. "I could write a check and...." "No checks," she said, pointing to a sign in the window of the restaurant. John's ulcer screamed within his stomach, no longer satisfied by the warm, nourishing food. After a few moments of avoiding eye contact with the waiter, John took the teapot with him into the men's room. He locked the door behind him, thankful that it was a bathroom for one person only, and he proceeded to punch his fist into the wall. At first, his tentativeness profited him only in small change, dimes and nickels. He counted after five strikes into the porcelain tiling of the wall. There was not quite three dollars, though his fingers were red and burning.
He drove his kneecap into the sink as hard as he could make himself. The pain sent icy blood in every direction starting at his heart. Toppling over, he leered into the teapot. A five dollar bill. With every ounce of his courage he ran the water as hot as it would go, sitting on the bathroom floor to the right of the spigot, and he held his hand beneath it for twenty seconds while it burned his skin. With his eyes tightly shut, he listened to the sound of quarters dropping until he was sure that he finally had enough. Alice was embarrassed to pay with so much change. As they left, she tried not to look at the other diners who stared at them. She propped up her mysteriously wounded husband, searching for the front door through her one good eye.
*John had passed out on the couch not long after they returned home. Alice tinkered for a bit in the kitchen. He could hear whispers of "ow" and "shit" coming from the room, followed by the sound of change sprinkling into brass. In the morning he realized he had overslept. Normally he would've been in his bed where the alarm was set, but in the living room all was silent. It was ten a.m. Alice was unaccounted for, as was the teapot. John rushed into work where they told him to go ahead and take the day off. They told him he looked "beat up." She could handle it on her own. She'd already proven that in less than two hours of processing shipments. Dejected, John returned home to find his wife also not working. "Why are you home?" she asked. He stared into her face. The noon sunlight made her face look even worse than it had in the restaurant. "Why didn't you wake me up before you left this morning?" he asked. She told him that she hadn't left that morning. She had accidentally knocked herself out in the garage when one of the hanging shovels had fallen on her head. John felt around her skull until his fingers reached the bump. "I'm fine," she said. "We have to stop this!" he shouted. He forcefully took the teapot out of her arms and put it on top of a kitchen cupboard, where she couldn't reach. Undeterred, she scooted a chair over and took it down.
"We have an opportunity to finally get ahead!" she screamed back. This time she would not let him take the teapot from her grasp. "Get ahead?" He explained to her that the only way they were going to get ahead was if they both worked their overtime. "Today's already set us back...." "We'll never get ahead, John. We never have and we never will. The moment we get any money something breaks or one of the children...." They argued for an hour, Alice the entire time clutching the closed teapot. She called him a loser three times during the fight and he once, out of frustration, told her that she had been a bad mother. It was the dirtiest they had ever treated one another. When they finished, when both were hunched over in exhaustion from not having eaten breakfast, Alice lifted the lid to find the teapot filled with twenty dollar bills. There was just over four hundred dollars. "But how?" John asked. Alice reared back and spit in his face. She then told him how she came home for lunch whenever she could in hopes that the postman would be walking his route and say hello to her. A twenty dollar bill appeared, though John was too hunched over to see it. "Now you do me!" she said. "You're a bitch!" he said. Change clinked. "No! Do me for real. Tell me something that you hate about me or something awful that you've done. Something that will really hurt my feelings." John thought as he sat at the table, still trying to form the picture of what their postman looked like. "I slept with Ellen Waterson...." "I already know that," she interrupted. "I slept with her after you and I were dating," he said spitefully. It had been a secret. Words festering beneath John's skin for twenty years. He could smell the words at night while he was lying in bed, next to Alice. Mildewed, damp, green words under his skin but not in his blood. Her face was pale but a smile crept onto it as she looked in the teapot and saw a fifty dollar bill appear. "Keep going," she said. The two proceeded to tell one another everything. Things which no married couple have ever shared. John told her about the woman at work, the one who might be replacing him, and how wonderfully upright her breasts were. Alice told him about the men she had been with before him and the things she had allowed them to do that she would never allow John to do to her. They did still love one another and by the end of the day the pot had given them over a thousand dollars. More than either of them could make in a week at their job.
They continued on the next day, after shouting at one another so furiously that they had each finally retreated to their corners and cried themselves to sleep. John got a call on the fourth day from his boss saying that he shouldn't bother coming in again. That she could handle it. "Fine," John replied. "I've found something else anyway." His boss was surprised at the lack of emotion. Alice, too, decided to not return to her employer. Though they were running short on secrets and genuine insults - insincere insults didn't pay a dime - they had still worked up enough money to get by for months. Each morning they woke up late, sometimes not until after noon, typically alone, and they met at the kitchen table where they set the teapot in between them. "I always referred to you as loose when we were in high school," John said. Clank. Clank. Clank. "You have never given me an orgasm," Alice replied. Three twenty dollar bills. Alice was learning to predict how much money would be in the teapot by the recoiling countenance of her husband. The insults, the beatings, the degradations were having a slightly more permanent effect on him. His face was beginning to not spring back. By the third month the teapot was rewarding them with less and less money each day. Alice had begun reverting to slamming her fingers in the cupboards to reach the minimum amount needed to survive. The two figured if they could get at least a hundred dollars a day from the teapot, they would be fine. When their eldest daughter called them that third month to inform them that she was coming home for a weekend visit, Alice tried to gently suggest that she not come. The girl wouldn't listen. She showed up on their doorstep the very next night, not expecting what she saw. When she entered her childhood home, things were different. The pictures that had been on the mantle were smashed. Some by fists, others by emotions. Her mother's hair was short, cropped close to the head. She told her daughter that she had wanted something different, but honestly she had been pulling it out by the fistful for money to the point where she had to shave it to get it all one even length again.
The girl's father was the biggest surprise. His hair had gone gray and he was heavier than he'd ever been before. The two had been eating well and never getting any exercise. They never wanted to leave the teapot, to miss a moment when they might make a little money. As she sat on the couch, drinking a cup of tea, staring at the changed environment in wonder, she began telling them stories of her classes and her professors. Normally, they would've listened intently. They would've had questions or comments about the girl's stories, but neither spoke. Both Alice and John were thinking of the teapot which was sitting, waiting on the coffee table in front of them. When the girl picked it up both parents lunged at her and pulled it from her hands. "It's an antique," Alice commented, setting it back down gently on the coffee table. "What happened to your eye, Mom?" the girl asked. There were four separate scars if one looked closely, but there was one brutal gash from where she'd struck herself with the iron that was noticeable at any distance. "That's nothing. I fell," she said. The words in her mouth formed like "thank you" and "hello". Alice looked at her daughter's unpinched, uncut, unbeaten skin with greedy eyes. When she hugged her, just before climbing the stairs to go to bed, Alice pinched her daughter beneath her arms and on her back. "What'd you do that for?" the girl yelled. The sound of change clanging in the pot went unnoticed to her. "Sorry," her mother said, disappointed by the familiar sound of nickels. As she handed the girl her suitcase, Alice banged it into her daughter's still sensitive shin. She howled and hobbled about for a few moments while her mother apologized over the promising sound of sprinkling quarters. John and Alice waited for their daughter to go out with her high school friends or to go to bed at night before starting their ritual of insults and physical attacks. When the girl asked in the morning what had happened, why her mother's lip was swollen, the two remained quiet. The girl left on Sunday, earlier than she had planned, because her mother had tripped and accidentally pushed her down the staircase while walking behind her. Her elbow might have had a small fracture and she wanted to go home to take advantage of the college's medical facilities. She thought it was strange that neither parent offered gas money.
"You shouldn't have done that," John said, as they smiled and waved. "It's fifty dollars that we're going to use to pay for her education!" With all of their secrets scattered about their modest home, covered in broken glass and splintered wood, the two were forced to go back to beating themselves. John called his old boss and begged for his job on his boss's voicemail, but his calls were never returned. The tuition bills came every three months, they were on the payment plan. In addition to that there was the electric bill, the mortgage, the water and the credit cards. Not to mention the fact that they had to take Alice to the emergency room to treat a concussion that she had given herself with one of the garage shovels. A policeman had visited John in the waiting room and asked him questions. He had written John's answers into a little notebook and showed John pictures of Alice's bruises. "She fell?" the policeman asked. John nodded his head and stared off in the other direction. At the end of each week John took a giant bucket of change to the bank to be counted out and returned in bills. The change was even diminishing. They had begun to expect four hundred dollars a week in change, but it soon dwindled to two hundred and fifty. "The fridge doesn't work," Alice reported. "What? Why not?" John asked, returning from a disappointing trip to the bank. "I don't know," she replied. "Maybe because you punched it a thousand times." Her attitude was changing with each new day. John suspected that she had given herself another concussion the week before when she'd "slipped" in the shower and he had to pull her unconscious body, dangling, crimson, wet head to the bed. She said it was an accident, but the teapot had been suspiciously in the room with her. They had found through trial and error that the teapot only worked when it was within a certain range of the person being wounded. "So you're blaming me for the refrigerator being broken," he asked her. "What about the car? I could blame you for the shattered windshield." Her skin was bluish, pale. Her eyes had no white, only red and green. Sleep deprivation gave a little bit of money, but that wasn't why she lay there awake at night. She was in pain. Her head ached endlessly but she refused to go back to the doctor, saying that they would never get ahead if they had to pay yet another hospital bill.
When the repairman came to work on the refrigerator he informed them that their warranty didn't cover the damage. Alice exploded in the man's face. He was short, bald, heavy. On his fingers were rings, gold and silver. He wore long blue overalls with a nametag that read "Randy." "Miss, I don't make the rules...." he started to say. John, dabbing at an injury on his chin that wouldn't stop bleeding, walked in on his wife striking the man on his head with a wooden spoon. He was older, slow from his weight and had a limp in his right leg. "Alice!" John yelled. He pulled her off of the heavy man who was covering his face with his hands. The clank of the wooden spoon hitting his rings had played in unison with the change rattling in the teapot. Alice lurched at the recoiled man with her feet, John having hold of her top half. Her foot planted firmly on the man's nose, breaking it instantly. Blood roared out of his nostrils, onto his lips and eventually onto the already blood-stained floor. "You're crazy!" he screamed at her. "You're wife's a crazy bitch!" He covered his face with his hand. "She's not crazy," John responded calmly. John walked over to the teapot and pulled out a newly formed hundred dollar bill. He handed it to the repairman. "Will you fix it for this?" he asked. The man laughed. "I'm taking you to court. My nose is broken!" John leered at Alice. Her bluish skin basked in the kitchen light. The phone rang somewhere in the distance, but no one heard it. All anyone could hear, including the repairman, was the tearing sound of the knife Alice pushed into the repairman's stomach. Both of his hands reached to the handle, to pull it out, but Alice pushed it in farther and turned it like she had seen done in movies. "What the hell did you do?" John yelled. Immediately he started thinking about what they would do with the body. How could he protect her from this? The fat man's body fell to the kitchen floor in two stages. Some undead portion of his spine tried to stay upright, while his thighs and ankles wanted to lay flat and be deceased. Alice kicked him to the ground once before his heart stopped beating.
"What the hell did you do?" John asked again. She got down next to him, stabbed him three or four more times, in hopes that he could still feel the pain. She then lifted herself, John standing horrified in the corner, and walked over to the teapot. She lifted the lid. A blood-spattered smile charmed across her face. "Look at this!" she said. She held the pot out for him to see, though he didn't look. It was full of hundreds. Stuffed full of hundreds. "You killed a man!" John yelled. In a panic he looked out the kitchen window. There was no one in sight. "We'll have to get his body into his work truck outside. See if you can find his keys." John went to grab towels out of the bathroom to mop up the blood. When he returned she was at the man again with her knife. "It doesn't work after they're dead," she said. "Can you help me?" he asked. He had taken out several cleaning agents. "We've got to do something with him before people know he's missing." Alice wasn't listening. She was staring into the now empty pot. "We could buy our way to paradise," she whispered. "There's got to be fifteen neighbors in houses right around here that trust us. Don across the street has a gun in his closet. He keeps it loaded." He had shown both of them on the fourth of July. "This is over ten thousand dollars," she said, fumbling through the unchanging faces of Benjamin Franklin. "We could buy our way to Paradise," she repeated.
I got chills when I read this for the first time. Money is sometimes the middle of peoples lives that they would do anything for it, like hurting themselves.
kgb
yesterday while watching tv (which I didn't want to do!) I saw a kgb commericial.
you text ANY question you have to 542542 and they will research your question and send back the answer all for $0.99
I tried it, I asked, "What is the song from the Geico commercials?" and it sent back...
"Mysto & Pizzi's remake of Rockwell's 'Somebody's watching me"
AMAZING! I KNOW! you sould try it. no joke. but be sure to text STOP to 542542 when you are done. I don't trust them completely, even though they say they won't send you spam and won't charge you unless you ask a question....
what should I do today?! :)
you text ANY question you have to 542542 and they will research your question and send back the answer all for $0.99
I tried it, I asked, "What is the song from the Geico commercials?" and it sent back...
"Mysto & Pizzi's remake of Rockwell's 'Somebody's watching me"
AMAZING! I KNOW! you sould try it. no joke. but be sure to text STOP to 542542 when you are done. I don't trust them completely, even though they say they won't send you spam and won't charge you unless you ask a question....
what should I do today?! :)
hmmm...wow
ok, I thought summer would be better. but my REAL summer doesn't start intill July. I woke up at 12:45pm today! What is wrong with me! and when I woke up, I played sims and watched tv. this is stupid! so, really, I need stuff to do. plan parties and invite me or we can go to the movies. SOMETHING!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
weird...
so I was bored around the house so I felt like writing a poem. Haven't done it in a while. Tell me what you think. I don't think i'm done with it yet. (just so you know. NONE of my poems rhyme. don't judge me!)
Lines
Should I feel complete with you?
Should I feel un-ease without you?
for me it's an impasse.
And forever it shall be.
In my life,
Parallel lines don't cross.
An impasse will never happen.
What if love was powerful enough,
To make parallel lines crossed.
My lines won't cross
Without you, my love.
as you see, i'm bored. not the best i've done.
Lines
Should I feel complete with you?
Should I feel un-ease without you?
for me it's an impasse.
And forever it shall be.
In my life,
Parallel lines don't cross.
An impasse will never happen.
What if love was powerful enough,
To make parallel lines crossed.
My lines won't cross
Without you, my love.
as you see, i'm bored. not the best i've done.
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